If Horses Were Wishes
by Poseida Lunar
Summary: In the back of the Malfoy Manor was a horse barn with seventeen horses. Each bought on a different year. Each named after something that Draco knew he can't ever have....


**Disclaimer:** I'm not sure if JK Rowling would ever forgive me for abusing her lovely character like this.

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To people's eyes, Draco Malfoy was a rich boy living in every kid's dream.

Born with a golden spoon in his mouth, he lived luxuriously in a grand old Manor that would probably cost trillions of Galleons if it was sold. He was well attended by house elves, who reacted to even the tiniest of his whines.

During his early childhood, he was showered with expensive gifts; robes stitched with the most dazzling gem stones, newest version of kiddy broomsticks, little toys, and fake wands. He was admired by other less-wealthy children, looked up upon as their leader, spoiled.

His time in Hogwart was different, but it made no difference. Still admired by his fellow Slytherins, favored by greedy, money-loving professors, and hated by practically every moral-based person.

When he became a man by law, he was still rich. The Malfoy name still demanded respect despite the deep shame that was brought upon them. He was still considered by many, one of the people that lived in their dreams.

But he had dreams of his own too. Dreams that he knew would never come true no matter how much he pursued them...

...In the back of his Manor was a horse barn.

In that barn lived seventeen horses, each bought on a different year from the oldest to the youngest. They were his wishes, his dreams.

The oldest of the horses was named Love. Draco bought Love as a foal, named after Draco's first ever word. He had no idea how he said 'love' as his first word considered that he never got any. Lucius had told him, young as he was at that time that Malfoys do not, cannot, love. He had understood. Love was lost to him from that day, and he could never gain the feeling back.

The second-eldest of the horses was named Affection. Affection was given to Draco as a present on his second birthday by Narcissa, who laughed and called it a silly name before walking away. He had learned that word from a dictionary that was left opened, lying on the ground. It meant caring, liking, loving. One of the house elves had read and explained it to him. He wished he could experience it, just once in his life.

The third-eldest horse was named Warmth. Given by the Weasleys none the less when they invited him into their house the week before his birthday. Their house was warm, comfortable, and filled with something that Draco just couldn't grasp.

Later, Lucius had a huge debate with Arthur Weasley and accused the Weasley family of kidnapping Draco. He was snatched away from the house and put back into the cold and darkness of his Manor. He never felt warm again, no matter how much candles were burning or how large the fire in the fireplace was roaring.

Courage was the fourth horse, gained on his birthday and lost that very same year. Not the horse, of course. His own courage was slipping; he knew it was. It had always been. But to lose it all was too much for even him to bare. It had been a rough day for both of his parents and for him. Lucius was angry. He had his wand in his hand the same moment a wrong thing came out of Draco's immature mouth.

The comeback for that was _Crucio_. It was then he had decided to never disobey again.

Purity was the fifth horse. The horse was white with brown dots like irremovable stains, like Draco. Purity was given to him by his father. The stains on his purity were given to him by his aunt. Crazy Bellatrix wasn't capture to Azkaban yet then. She was hiding in houses of relatives and fellow Death-Eaters.

On Draco's fifth birthday, she was at his party where she dragged him away to the room that was specially preserved for her. There was a Muggle girl about Draco's age; she was stuffed in the closet, skinny and scared. Draco was force to watch as his aunt performed _Crucio_ after _Crucio_ on the Muggle girl, who screamed for Draco to help her.

The begging finally ended when Bellatrix handed Draco her own wand and told him to use _Avada Kedavra_ on the Muggle girl. It was his first time with a real wand, and it had killed somebody.

He bought Laughter with all his savings at a farm on his sixth birthday when he visited the farm's horses. Narcissa later commented it to be an act of idiocy and slapped him on his face. Lucius told him it was a plain waste of money. Draco didn't think so.

Laughter was a wild and giddy little foal who liked Draco at the very first look. When Laughter was brought into the Manor, the first thing it did was peed on Narcissa's favorite robe. Both Draco and Laughter had laughed. This was before Narcissa had conjugated a whip out of the thin air and whipped the little foal. Laughter never laughed again, nor did Draco.

Color was the name of the seventh horse. On Draco's seventh birthday, there had been a rainbow outside the sky of his bedroom. It was there all throughout the day when suddenly, a lightning struck.

The flash blinded him for two weeks and the thunder rang in his ears. When he could see again, all colors left his sight except black, gray, and white, which weren't really colors at all. Color was given to him on the day of his recovery. When he asked what color was his horse, a house elf answered him. Color was a gray horse.

On his eighth birthday, Draco acquired Trust. On the day before his birthday, he lost it in others. Blaise Zabini invited Draco to his home for a play date. Draco had always before considered Blaise a friend, a buddy. Until that day when he agreed to come over to Blaise's Manor for dinner.

Blaise had purposely given Draco a false address. He was lost on some random Muggle street, holding a piece of paper. And the next thing he knew, he was snatched up by a foul-smelling Muggle man. Later when he was delivered home by Aurors, Narcissa scold and beaten him, telling him how disappointed she was that her son trusted somebody like that.

It was then he knew it. There was no trust in the world, just like there was no love.

After Blaise, Draco grew cold towards other children. All except one, whom he was really close with. A Pureblood boy he was sure that he could trust. The boy moved away right on the day of Draco's ninth birthday. The day that Draco had gotten his ninth horse, Friend.

The day before Draco's birthday, his supposed best-friend had asked him for eighty Galleons, which Draco happily gave to him. Then he moved away and Draco never heard from him again. It didn't take a genius to figure out why that boy remained his friend.

On his tenth birthday, Draco was presented with Comfort. Comfort was a mare with long soft eyelashes. The house elves told him that Comfort was a brown mare with blond mane and tail. Her aura was the opposite of her name. She was rough and greedy with the rest of the horses, much like Draco's mother. Thank Merlin she was an old mare. Draco had thought with relief.

Acceptance was late for his eleventh birthday. A total of two and a half month late. It was delivered on the night of his first day during Hogwart. The same day that Potter had rejected his hand. Draco felt like nobody would ever accept him again at that moment. It was a horrible feeling that nearly crippled him.

Victory, on Draco's twelfth birthday was named for Draco's hope of defeating Potter or Granger in at least one thing. He had bought the best equipment, studied hard... But he lost anyway. Every game and seconded every class. Victory was a name of waste. There was no true victory.

Family. It was a even more pointless name than Victory, was what Draco thought the day that he named his thirteenth horse. He had no real family. Lucius and Narcissa hardly counted at all. They had never really wanted a son. It was all because of the need to continue the Malfoy blood line, no love, no purpose, no family.

The fourteenth horse was named Ordinary. But that's impossible for Draco to be now.

The fifteenth horse was named Forgiving.

The sixteenth horse was Freedom. Draco who probably had been stucked in a cage all his life did not sense the cage. But somehow, it was when he took the Dark Mark did he realize how much of a slave had he been. He didn't know how a mark made him realize that, but he felt truly trapped for the first time in his life.

The seventeenth horse, and the youngest of them all, was named Hope. There was no more hope for him.

If horses were all wishes then all of Draco's dreams would have came true. But horses were not wishes.


End file.
